JokeJam.com
8/12/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our
Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and
Family
How to liven up your church
- Wear a spiffy pair of skin-tight leather pants.
- Shout "Boy howdy!" Instead of saying "Amen."
- Volunteer to teach a homemaking mini-class on the fine art of
breastfeeding in public.
- Drop monopoly money in the collection plate. When someone complains, say
loudly, "Well, it was REAL money when I sealed the envelope!"
- Put a sign on the minister's/priest's office that reads, "Sorry, I'm out
playing golf today."
- Put a sign on all of the outside doors that say, "Welcome! Use other
door."
Petmeds
She/He Definitions
Wants & needs (wontz and nedz)
n.
Female: The delicate balance
of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled
in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer.
Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a
car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a
woman's bra.
Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes
love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex
with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.
Glass ceiling (glas see-ling)
n.
Female: The invisible barrier
that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be
great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.
Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel)
adj.
Female: Fully opening up
one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a
cup.
Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)
n.
Female: The open sharing of
thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note
before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.
Butt (but) n.
Female: The body part that
every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning
(and farting).
Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get
married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up
other women while out with one's girlfriend.
Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment)
n.
Female: A good movie,
concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball,
two folds, or three stooges.
Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing
byproduct of digestion.
Male: An endless source of
entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
Making love (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest
expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What men have to call "boinking"
to get women to boink.
Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl)
n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
Taste (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do
frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do
to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.
"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."
Henry David Thoreau
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
I am from Minsk
The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man.
His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy. "Can I help you?" The
madam asked.
"I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."
"No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges
$1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and
handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon
the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that
no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no
discounts... it was still $1,000.
Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he
calmly left an hour later.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.
Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went.
Replied Natalie, "I have a sister who lives there."
"Yes; I know," said the old man.
"She gave me $3,000 to give to you."At the end of the hour Natalie
questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a
row... where are you from?"
The old man replied, "I am from Minsk."
"Really?"
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com
10% Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free
Shipping! (Expiration TBD)
OFFICE MERGER
A psychiatrist and a proctologist decided to merge their offices to cut down
on expenses.
To further economize, they had one sign printed:
Dr. Eli Wolf, Psychiatrist Dr. Morris Fink, Proctologist Specializing in
Odds and Ends.
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products
Clearance Items
Deep Hole
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.
"Wow...that looks deep."
"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.
"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here... throw one of these great big rocks
down there. Those should make a noise."
They pick up a couple football-sized
rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait.
Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement.
One gets a determined look on his face
and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie.
Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make
some noise."
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in.
Not a sound comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It
rushes toward the two men, and then right past them, running as fast as its
legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.
The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the
woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys
seen my goat out here?"
"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and
just jumped into this hole!"
"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was
chained to a railroad tie."
Viagra, again, and again and....
Man at the Supermarket
In the supermarket, a man was pushing a cart which contained a screaming,
yelling, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly such admonitions as, "Don't get excited,
Albert," "Don't scream, Albert," "Don't yell, Albert," "Keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for
trying to soothe your son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "He's not Albert; I'm Albert."
Reasons it is great to be a guy
The National College Cheerleading Championship.
JokeJam
Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You
do not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap
Drugs When You
do have a
Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is
a safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or
reply from this email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved.
Permission is granted for noncommercial distribution of
JokeJam jokes list as long as this full
copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes,
humor, and other content posted to this list, and does not claim to own any
copyright privileges to them except for those humor bits we write. We
assume them to be in the public domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com