JokeJam.com
7/17/2003
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Shaving
Shaving is good for a man's sex life and health, according to a new peer-reviewed study by researchers at the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom.
The study included 2,438 men ages 45-49 and found 21.4 percent of those who shaved less than once a day were shorter, less likely to be married and had a lower frequency of orgasm.
They also were more likely to smoke, have angina or other heart disease and work in manual occupations.
The researchers tracked these guys over 20 years and found of those who shaved less frequently than daily, 45.1 percent had died, compared with 31.3 percent of those who shaved at least daily.
Petmeds
Few women admit their age.
Few men act theirs.
"No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra $40 a week.
I think it was Einstein who first said: 'Expense equals salary plus forty bucks.'"
- Jeffrey Jena
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The Speech
Seated next to a self inflated egotist at a United Nations dinner was an Oriental fellow dressed in the robes of one of the Far Eastern countries.
The jerk, attempting to make conversation, leaned over and said: "You like soupee?"
The Oriental fellow nodded his head.
"You like steakee?"
The Oriental nodded again.
As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful 50 minute address on the United Nations' definition of "encouragement to self-reliance" by underdeveloped countries of the world.
The speech was flawless in Oxford English.
He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down and turned to his dinner partner and said, "You like speechee?"
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Russia
For many years around 1890, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile.
Due to a political shift, Morris Rabinowitz, a tailor, found that his village was no longer Russian, but had become a Polish village.
Thrilled, he told his wife, "Thank God! Now no more of those freezing Russian winters!"
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Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.
The ignorant person always takes answers from somebody else.
The wise person finds the answer within himself.
Tishan
If all the Coca-Cola ever produced to this point were to gush from "Old Faithful" at its normal rate of 15,000 gallons (56,779.5 l) every hour, the geyser would flow continually for over 1,685 years!
Another way of putting that fact---if the geyser had been continually erupting since 313 A.D., it would just be running out about now!
Q: How can you tell if a limousine is owned by a Jew?
A: There's a pay phone in the backseat.
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